The Bedbug, The Alligator, His Bank, And Her Robber

Bedbugs – they’re not just for making your home unlivable and causing your friends and associates to avoid you like the vile plague ship you are anymore.  According to AP, even our movie theaters, bastions against dealing with reality since time immemorial, no longer provide respite from the bloodsucking mites, who have invaded theaters in Times Square and perhaps Harlem.

And you thought all that stuff about alligators in the sewers was just so much urban legend. Apparently not, as The Times reports that a 2-foot baby alligator was captured by animal control in Queens last week after surfacing on Newton Avenue last week, presumably to do some sightseeing. While we have nothing but respect for the difficult job done by New York’s diligent animal control employees, we do have to question the wisdom of taking alligators out of their fetid, subterranean homes. How, exactly, do they propse to keep the city’s burgeoning CHUD population in check without a legion of terrifying mutant sewer gators?

Speaking of monstrous, reprehensible sub-humanoids, the Wall Street Journal reports that bankers at a number of Wall Street are preparing to once again make big enough bonuses to buy and sell the rest of us many, many times over, as God intended.

CBS reports that 27 year-old metal singer Shanna Spalding was arrested earlier this week on suspicion of committing a string of armed robberies, including one in a cat mask, the mask of choice for armed robbers who are not also undercover Keanu Reeves.

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